In the depths of the darkest places I took myself in addiction, where all hope was lost, I let go of everything beneficial to me. As I grew further and further away from a conscious contact with something greater than myself, cognitive dissonance separated me from my original core values and morals. I became content with the underachieving that characterized my life, reducing myself to day to day survival with no goals; not living, but merely existing.

I remember asking my parents for bailout after bailout until the well dried up and no handout was going to fix the mess I had created.  My mother would tell me to pray and it infuriated me. No prayer was going to solve how I was going to pay my rent or buy groceries or make a car payment. Coming to this conclusion, I disregarded any notion of a God as anger began to rule, veering me down the wrong fork in the road until I reached a dead end.

Looking back on my journey into addiction recovery programs, there were many stages I went through in rediscovering who I was as a person.  Accepting I was powerless was the first hurdle. Surrender followed as I had to come to grips with the fact that I didn’t know how to live life. I needed help to guide me back on the right path. With that help, I began discovering an external source, also known as a higher power.

Finding faith was not something that happened over night. It took action through humbling myself, making sacrifices, and walking the walk in sobriety. As I began to make progress and good things started happening in my life, the anger slowly went away. I felt hope again for the first time in a long while. I started to understand how spirituality could benefit my existence, becoming more in tune with my surroundings. Discovering how my actions affected others took me out of self and allowed me to consider the consequences of making bad decisions. However, my own unique spiritual journey began by accepting help and coming to Oregon Trail Recovery.

In this program, I was able to accomplish more than just getting sober. I learned what it meant to live life with a spiritual purpose. All the fruits of sobriety from the relationship I found in a higher power. I remember on a backpacking trip we took in the Mt. Hood National Forest where late at night I laid in a hammock and gazed at the stars. At that moment, I was finally doing something positive with my life. This spectacular view made me feel at peace.

In that instance, I knew I was in the right place. In addition, my negative perspectives began shifting into happiness and gratitude. Finding a spiritual path is one’s own journey. Oregon Trail Recovery gave me the opportunity to discover this for myself as I grew in the addiction recovery process. Life today is fulfilling and rich with rewards. Furthermore, there’s nothing that can replace the feeling of being spiritually fit. This was all made possible through coming to belief. A beacon of light guiding me through this adventure known as life.

– Keelan Deuth